so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
