And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
