i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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