I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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