drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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