i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
