it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
