a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
