im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
