He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
