curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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