I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my being single is dangerous.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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