I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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