Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
