Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
