I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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