My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
