Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
