I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
