Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My balls are so social today.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
