Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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