Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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