walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
