Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize