What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
