he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
