Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize