Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
