Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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