My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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