i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
