i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
