Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
