She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
