i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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