she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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