I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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