I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
