yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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