she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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