I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize