I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
