I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
