im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
