I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
