Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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