i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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