I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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