I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
