Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize