I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They took my balls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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