maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
