I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
