I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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