So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
