i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
