now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
