i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
