I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm having to shit out rocks
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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