You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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