his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
