that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
