i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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