I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
