okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
