I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
