I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
