My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
