Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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