How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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