Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
