I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
