Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
