Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
