i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize