i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
