he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
