youre lurking in front of me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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