but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
