I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
