According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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