Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
