Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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