he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
