i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
