I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I yelled at your uterus for you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
